I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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