sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
