Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
