Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
