the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
