dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
