The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's rum buckets o'clock
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
