I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
