Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
