You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
