No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
