I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
