you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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