I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
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