Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize