dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
