you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
