Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
