I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
