Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
