He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
