how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
