ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
