i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
