And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
