Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
