I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
