I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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