look no pants
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
