Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
