so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
