who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
