I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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