Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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