is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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