I'm lost and stupid without you.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
