I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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