then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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