Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
