Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
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it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
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He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
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