i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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