people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
