I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize