I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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