you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
