new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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