I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
