the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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