That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
