4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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