Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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