Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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