Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
