So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
