Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
