Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We need to rekindle our bromance
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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