a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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