My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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