proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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