thus making me awesome and them whores
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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