ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
