dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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