it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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