Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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