I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
