I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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