Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
