She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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