Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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