Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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