my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
