You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I will pee on everything he values.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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