About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
