I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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