11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
