Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
