On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
